Purpose

I have lived my years so far in this life searching for the purpose for which I was put here. In this time, I have gone down many, many paths and dead ends looking for it. I have thought several times that I found it, but was wrong. I have tried to complicate the search, I have tried to sanctify the search, I have tried to secularize the search, I have tried to make the search technical, and I have failed. I have given up and thrown myself into paths which have wasted precious time. I have started over again so many times that I cannot remember how many. Hopefully, I have come through all these trials, errors and failures and may have at last become experienced enough, insightful enough, or maybe just smart enough to realize my purpose.

I began to get closer through the process of elimination concerning where my purpose was not. I had no desire to stick to one thing and become really great at it. It didn't take me very long to become "good" at anything I tried to do, and once I reached the good stage I became bored with the process and stopped short of becoming great. The moral of this story for anyone who cares to read is to choose wisely when you start looking down paths.

I always had the desire from a very young to be a mother. I now have three great children, who turned out much better than I deserved. I have enjoyed sharing this physical existence with these wonderful souls. They have all become more than just children, they have become friends. I am hoping they have found where their heart is, and their life's purpose. I think they are perhaps coming closer than I have come. Maybe bringing these people into the world is the purpose for which I am here?

But maybe, just maybe the whole purpose of being here is just to live your life. There are lots of ways to do it for sure. The Christians say "live life to the fullest, through Jesus." The hedonists say: "Eat, drink and be merry for there may be no tomorrow." The philosophical say: "seek that which enlightens you." I am not so sure that I don't agree a little bit with each of them. Having been indoctrinated into the Christian teachings so young in my life, and having been more involved with them it is sometimes hard to see the other points of view objectively, although I think we really have to. I don't think we should condemn anyone's point of view, religion, philosophy, creed, or any other type of way of living in which they adamantly and truthfully believe. The reason? They are living their lives. Just like the rest of us. If they aren't living it as well, or as richly as some of us on some levels, then that's just circumstantial. They may be living better than us on some other levels, such as on the spiritual level. Which matters the most then? Does having more on the material level help you live your life more fully? It certainly does seem like that is where some of the hearts of some people are at. If they cannot have "things" then they feel unfulfilled. Perhaps it's better to have 30 minutes or an hour by yourself to just think, then it is to have a movie to watch, and when that hour or so is gone you will find you have just wasted it and have not accomplished anything whatsoever. Believe me, I have done it. And the sad thing about it is we never get those hours back. Never. I should be sitting on the couch right now talking with my granddaughter about things she is interested in instead of pecking away at this computer keyboard. As a matter of fact, I think I will. So, I have to continue to wonder what my purpose here is some other time. Right now I want to use some of the remaining time I have left usefully.